Our emotions affect the emotions of the person we are talking to in times of stress or conflict. It’s a two-way street.  Wildly oversimplifying the neuroscience of it: when we are physically near each other, we are picking up on the hormones that the other person is experiencing.

If only one of us steps aside from the negative emotions, it can have a positive effect on the other person.

When I’m calmer, you are calmer. When you are calmer, I am calmer. You can think of it as breaking the negative cycle. Or, reorienting the cycle from negative to positive.

You don’t need the other person to agree for you to be calmer. You don’t need to name it.  By all means, do not say: “Just calm down!”  Just focus on calming yourself. As you do, you will be able to reap the benefits directly and the other person, indirectly.

 Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

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