Episode 286: It’s not the stimuli, it’s …

My most recent guest, Natalie McVeigh, talked with me about the neuroscience of stress and conflict. Here’s one excellent idea to highlight from our conversation. To paraphrase:

There’s a lot of research on stress, and this one conclusion is key --

It’s not the stimuli, it’s our response to those stimuli.

First step, be aware. What am I feeling? Is my body telling me that I am stressed? Second step, try to understand what about that stimulus is stressing you. What is the perceived threat? Figuring that out may take a moment. So, buy some time. Take a breath. As a few minutes pass, you are allowing your body to calm itself. Ask a question, calmly. Ask more. Get some clarification. Try to unearth what stressed you.  To get to a place where your body drops down from high alert to a calmer place.

A place where you can then be able to more easily say and do things that will serve you better and will not invite or exacerbate unnecessary negative conflict.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

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