Episode 218: Messages sent and messages received

My guest last time, Pattie Porter, talked about Verbal Akido.  One point that Pattie made is that something that feels like an “attack” may not be intended to be one. As is true with so much in communications that don’t feel comfortable, I would do well to take a beat, pause for a moment, gather myself…. And think.  First, why do I feel attacked? What is it in me that was struck? Next, it is a legitimate criticism?  Is it valid? Now, how can I react?  If it does hit the mark, can I acknowledge that to the other person? Can I learn something here?  Can I resist becoming defensive and rejecting the idea? At the other extreme, can I resist descent into beating up on myself so much that I can’t absorb the benefit of the criticism?

Of course, sometimes the speaker could be more thoughtful. If we want it to have a desirable impact, we should make the effort to choose our words carefully. And let’s not forget the tone.  Our tone of voice – in spoken language or written – carries at least as much weight as our words and usually more.  Our facial expressions, our body language --both speak volumes.

We can be benefit by being more careful in the messages we send and in how we receive them.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

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